Unkle Munky Pg 97
From Writers of the World
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
- Munky is also available here...
This week Munky doesn't know what he's doing...
Artist - Santogold.
Song - L.E.S. Artistes.
- Click here to play...
- Videos prone to removal.
Contents |
Munky Deals With Issues of a Domestic Nature.
Ben from Carlisle asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding noisy domestic appliances?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Ben, I did indeed receive said correspondence. I can confirm that Dysons (the domestic appliance manufacturer) are currently in the process of designing a vacuum cleaner with a built in headphone socket. This should, in theory, enable your partner to listen to the whine of the motor without disturbing your peace. I hope this meets with your approval.
You do talk some utter bollocks, Unkle Munky.
Unkle Munky adds - Yes. Sorry about that, Mary. I did of course mean to say, 'Electrolux'.
Bungle's Barely News.
Bungle Bear. Munky News. Fearing for his life.
Tortoise Abuse.
Alan from Stevenage asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that British soldiers scooped out tortoise shells and used them for helmets during World War Two? I fear that my mate might be trying to pull my plonker again and no mistake!
Unkle Munky says - Dear Alan, It would appear to me that your friend is indeed attempting to pull your plonker. Everyone knows that said helmet alternatives were related to World War One, and not World War Two.
- Sadly, for many, the abuse of tortoises continues to this very day.
MC Lady-Groove.
MC Lady Groove from Kent asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I recently stole a bottle of Vodka from Tesco. As a result of this I have been ordered to attend an interview at my local police station. My friend says that the interviews are usually recorded on audio tape. With this in mind, shall I do a rap or will a simple spot of MC'ing suffice?
Unkle Munky says - Oh fer God's sake!
Bungle's Barely News.
Bungle Bare. Munky News. Going without lunch.
Council Tax Query.
Sharon from Brynsiencyn asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you contact the City Council with regards to my wardrobe predicament?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Sharon, I have contacted said authorities and can happily report that your council tax will not be unduly affected by your recent discovery. The DFS furniture store have also agreed to look into your wardrobe anomaly at their earliest possible convenience. Their spokesman has confirmed that 'gateways into unknown dimensions' are not a common feature of their popular 'Balmoral Wardrobes' range. I hope this helps.
Eric from Coventry asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I think my mother's bungalow might be haunted. Do you have the telephone number for Ghostbusters?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Eric, I am duty bound to inform you that the aforementioned company does not actually exist. I have, however, taken the liberty of forwarding your enquiry onto Scooby Doo and his zany pals.
Special Feature - Connie Lingus.
Connie Lingus, darling of the UK adult film industry has ruffled more than just a few feathers with her latest film 'The Pigeon Fancier'. Set in Trafalgar square and filmed on a budget of just ten pounds fifty 'The Pigeon Fancier' sees Connie cavorting wildly with a group of wayward homing pigeons who have just one thing on their minds - Connie Lingus.
- Rated 18 by The June Whitfield Board of Spoil Sports, 'The Pigeon Fancier' is released this week and will be in the shops by Xmas!
Amy Knitware.
Unkle Munky says - Who the fuc...?
Introducing: Henry Winkler, Celebrity Confectionary Archeologist to the Stars!
This week Henry has been digging around in the garden of Simply Red's ginger whinger - Mick Hucknall.
Unkle Munky asks - What have you found today, Henry?
Henry Replies - Heyyyyyy... My name is not 'Fonzie'! I shook that image years ago! I am Henry Winkler, Celebrity Confectionary Archeologist to the Stars!
