Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
- Munky is also available here...
This week Munky has a sweat on...
Artist - Filly.
Song - Sweat.
- Click here to play...
- Videos prone to removal.
Copulating at Sea.
Alan from Port Talbot asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding copulation at sea?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Alan, I did indeed receive said correspondence. Sadly for you, I must side with your girlfriend on this particular issue. After all, if the gentle flapping of a butterfly’s wing can cause a hurricane in China, then it is highly probable that a good hard shag in a rubber dingy off the North coast of Wales has the potential to cause a tsunami on foreign shores.
Alan replies - Oh bugger!
Unkle Munky says - And that’s out of the question too!
Gail from Lisburn asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I keep getting a rash from my boyfriend’s aftershave. What can I do?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Gail, It strikes me as odd that you should even consider wearing your boyfriend’s aftershave. I can only advise that you put an end to this questionable practice.
Gail replies - Oh fer fuck’s sake! I don’t use said aftershave, Munky! I get the rash from kissing him. Forget it! I’ll take my problems elsewhere. You really are shit at this agony business!
Unkle Munky says - How rude!
Bungle's Barely News.
Save the Snail.
Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky’s assistant) says - Ahem. Your ‘Save the Snail’ posters have arrived, Munky.
Unkle Munky says - But I thought you’d cancelled them after realising your error?
Mary replies - I’m afraid I was too late to cancel the five hundred posters previously ordered, Unkle Munky. We’ll just have to save the snail instead of the whale.
Unkle Munky says - Oh fer god’s sake!
Gavin from Essex asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Why do the bulbs in my cooker hood never seem to last for more than five minutes?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Gavin, Perhaps you are over-cooking them?
Gavin replies - What the fuc…?
Leo from Buxton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I accidentally swallowed thirty Vitamin C tablets during a recent suicide bid. I now feel as a fit as a fiddle. Can I make a claim?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Leo, Attempting to claim damages under such ridiculous circumstances is little short of farcical. I would recommend, on this occasion, that you simple bask in the healthy glow of your lamentable ineptitude. Good day!
Stan from Sedgley asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am a big fan of pigeon porn and was wondering if you might be in a position to publish an erotic still?
Unkle Munky says - Certainly Stan.
Stan says - Phooaaarrrr.
Ref. Pigeon Porn.
Dear Unkle Munky, The previous query regarding pigeon porn has caused something of an uproar. I have already received three emails from disgruntled readers of your column. I must insist that you publish an apology at your earliest possible convenience.
Unkle Munky says - Dear Ms. Sickness, Thank you for highlighting this worrying development. It was never my intention to discriminate. I will rectify this issue shortly by publishing various other genres of porn.
Ms. Motion Sickness replies - Oh fer fuck’s sake!
A Short Paws.
A short paws whilst Munky concerns himself with a group of bored teenage penguins.
- (Off licence - Liquor store)
Angela from Oxford asks - Dear Unkle Munky, is it true that Bungle Bear will be running the London marathon in a chicken costume?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Angela, I can indeed confirm that Bungle will be running the London marathon dressed as a chicken.
But surely Bungle is already wearing a costume, Unkle Munky?
Unkle Munky says - Uh? What do you mean?
Ms. Motion Sickness adds - Well Bungle is just a bloke in a bear costume. What’s the point of him dressing up any further?
Unkle Munky says - I don’t know where you get these silly ideas from, Mary. Bungle is running as a chicken, and that is that!
Ms. Motion Sickness replies - …So is he doing it for charity?
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. No, no he isn’t. He just likes dressing up. Now can we please return to the agonising issues of the day!?
- Bungle Bear, dressed as a chicken, prior to the London Marathon.
Unkle Munky's Charity Spot.
Joy from Galloway asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am curently involved with a charity called D.M.A. and was wondering if you would like to make a donation?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Joy, I am unable to locate any information relating to the charity of which you speak. What exactly does D.M.A. stand for?
Lisa replies - Oh, sorry Munky. It’s Mother’s Against Dyslexia.
Unkle Munky says - Jeezus…