Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.

Ask unkle munky

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This week Munky has a sweat on...


Artist - Filly.

Song - Sweat.

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Copulating at Sea.


Alan from Port Talbot asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding copulation at sea?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Alan, I did indeed receive said correspondence. Sadly for you, I must side with your girlfriend on this particular issue. After all, if the gentle flapping of a butterfly’s wing can cause a hurricane in China, then it is highly probable that a good hard shag in a rubber dingy off the North coast of Wales has the potential to cause a tsunami on foreign shores.

Alan replies - Oh bugger!

Unkle Munky says - And that’s out of the question too!



Gail from Lisburn asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I keep getting a rash from my boyfriend’s aftershave. What can I do?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Gail, It strikes me as odd that you should even consider wearing your boyfriend’s aftershave. I can only advise that you put an end to this questionable practice.

Gail replies - Oh fer fuck’s sake! I don’t use said aftershave, Munky! I get the rash from kissing him. Forget it! I’ll take my problems elsewhere. You really are shit at this agony business!

Unkle Munky says - How rude!


Bungle's Barely News.


Save the Snail.

Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky’s assistant) says - Ahem. Your ‘Save the Snail’ posters have arrived, Munky.

Unkle Munky says - But I thought you’d cancelled them after realising your error?

Mary replies - I’m afraid I was too late to cancel the five hundred posters previously ordered, Unkle Munky. We’ll just have to save the snail instead of the whale.

Unkle Munky says - Oh fer god’s sake!


Gavin from Essex asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Why do the bulbs in my cooker hood never seem to last for more than five minutes?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Gavin, Perhaps you are over-cooking them?

Gavin replies - What the fuc…?


Suicide Query.

Leo from Buxton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I accidentally swallowed thirty Vitamin C tablets during a recent suicide bid. I now feel as a fit as a fiddle. Can I make a claim?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Leo, Attempting to claim damages under such ridiculous circumstances is little short of farcical. I would recommend, on this occasion, that you simple bask in the healthy glow of your lamentable ineptitude. Good day!


Pigeon Fancier.

Stan from Sedgley asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am a big fan of pigeon porn and was wondering if you might be in a position to publish an erotic still?

Unkle Munky says - Certainly Stan.


Stan says - Phooaaarrrr.

Memo from mms

Ref. Pigeon Porn.

Dear Unkle Munky, The previous query regarding pigeon porn has caused something of an uproar. I have already received three emails from disgruntled readers of your column. I must insist that you publish an apology at your earliest possible convenience.

Unkle Munky says - Dear Ms. Sickness, Thank you for highlighting this worrying development. It was never my intention to discriminate. I will rectify this issue shortly by publishing various other genres of porn.

Ms. Motion Sickness replies - Oh fer fuck’s sake!

A Short Paws.

A short paws whilst Munky concerns himself with a group of bored teenage penguins.

Short paws


  • (Off licence - Liquor store)

Angela from Oxford asks - Dear Unkle Munky, is it true that Bungle Bear will be running the London marathon in a chicken costume?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Angela, I can indeed confirm that Bungle will be running the London marathon dressed as a chicken.

Mary says1

But surely Bungle is already wearing a costume, Unkle Munky?

Unkle Munky says - Uh? What do you mean?

Ms. Motion Sickness adds - Well Bungle is just a bloke in a bear costume. What’s the point of him dressing up any further?

Unkle Munky says - I don’t know where you get these silly ideas from, Mary. Bungle is running as a chicken, and that is that!

Ms. Motion Sickness replies - …So is he doing it for charity?

Unkle Munky says - Ahem. No, no he isn’t. He just likes dressing up. Now can we please return to the agonising issues of the day!?


  • Bungle Bear, dressed as a chicken, prior to the London Marathon.

Unkle Munky's Charity Spot.

Joy from Galloway asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am curently involved with a charity called D.M.A. and was wondering if you would like to make a donation?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Joy, I am unable to locate any information relating to the charity of which you speak. What exactly does D.M.A. stand for?

Lisa replies - Oh, sorry Munky. It’s Mother’s Against Dyslexia.

Unkle Munky says - Jeezus…


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