Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
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This week Munky is base lining...
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Bungle's Barely News.
Sarah from Newhaven asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter marked with various geographical coordinates?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Sarah, I did indeed receive said correspondence and can confirm that your boyfriend’s northerly magnetic pole could indeed have a repelling influence when exposed to your southerly equivalent. I would, on this occasion, recommend that you both familiarise yourselves with Neil Tennant’s world famous de-magnetising technique.
Emily from Brighton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Your recent advice regarding my problematic hair issue does not appear to have paid dividends. Are there any other methods that I can try?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Emily, My previous counsel regarding your dandruff problem was possibly flawed. I was eating my breakfast at the time and suspect that I may have advised you to use egg and soldiers? I did of course mean ‘Head and Shoulders’, the popular anti-dandruff shampoo.
Oh fer fuck’s sake!
Kelly from Omagh asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I recently took advantage of a special offer promotion on Pampers disposable nappies (thirty three percent off the recommended retail price). Sadly, however, upon getting said diapers home, I realised that I did not have a baby. What can I do?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Kelly, Simply putting yourself about a bit will solve this troublesome overspend.
Dennis from Bradford asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Do you believe in reincarnation?
Unkle Munky says - Do I believe in reincarnation!? I am the living embodiment of said phenomenon! I use to be a prominent physician before finding myself in this fuckin’ predicament!
John from Bristol asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding the eco friendly pencil sharpener?
Unkle Munky says - Dear John, I did indeed receive said correspondence. To be quite frank, I am not entirely convinced that the traditional pencil sharpener has ever been a threat to the environment? Attaching the aforementioned item to the front wheel of your father’s motorbike strikes me as both dangerous and foolish in the extreme. I would, on this occasion, recommend that you rethink this bloody awful idea. Good day!
Bungle's Barely News.
Harry from Swansea asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Your recent advice regarding contraception has landed me in hot water with the local constabulary and no mistake! I require not only a formal apology from you, but also bail!
Unkle Munky says - Dear Harry, My recommending that you wear a condom when visiting your girlfriend was made with the best possible of intentions. I cannot be held responsible for your asinine interpretation of this simple instruction. Choosing to walk the streets of Swansea in nothing but a ‘Durex Fetherlite’ was NOT what I had in mind! Sort your own bail out!
Greg from Midlothian asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding the terrible guilt issues that I have recently been attempting to deal with?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Greg, I did indeed receive said correspondence. Holding yourself responsible for your Uncle Bill’s untimely death is both upsetting and unnecessary. Your delay in contacting the emergency services was, under the circumstances, perfectly understandable. Charades is a confusing game at the best of times. Ascertaining the title of the film that your uncle was attempting to interpret would now seem unlikely. Your suggestion, though unfortunate, strikes me as a credible proposal.
The Final Word.
Today’s final word goes to Sir Paul McCartney, who along with his lawyer, arrived at the High Court in London this morning for his divorce settlement showdown with estranged wife, Heather Mills.
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. I think you’ll find that she has, Paul. After all, only one of them is a prosthetic?