Unkle Munky Pg 87
From Writers of the World
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
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This week Munky still believes that the end is nigh…
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Contents |
A Public Information Advertisement.
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. So how is your Gran, Mary?
Homeless, shaken and terribly singed! How do you think she fuckin’ is!?
Unkle Munky says - Well, if there’s anything I can do…?
Mary replies - I think you’ve done more than enough, you useless good for nothing banana muching cretin!
Further Advent Calendar Complaints...
Ref. Yet more advent calendar complaints.
Dear Unkle Munky, Yet again I have been inundated with complaints about your vastlly overpriced 2007 advent calendar. It is with some trepidation that I must now enquire as to why you deemed it nessasary to include a picture of the late Rod Hull behind door number sixteen?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Ms. Motion Sickness, I am constantly amazed by the ignorance shown by not only yourself, but also by a small cross section of the British buying public. Surely everyone knows that the little baby Jesus was the son of Rod!?
The Banal Brothers…
Unkle Munky asks - Have we managed to secure a better sponsor for this ‘feature’ yet, Ms. Motion Sickness?
Not yet Munky. Durex were interested at one point, but they pulled out at the last minute.
Unkle Munky says - That’s not like Durex?
Celebrity Yuletide Greetings.
Unkle Munky says - Wow. Thanks Nicole. Happy Xmas to you too!
Ms. Motion Sickness adds - Oh fer fuck's sake...
Bungle's Barely News.
This week: Bungle the bear barely gets to grips with ‘The alleged Britney Spears Drug testing’ news story…
Unkle Munky says - Take no notice Bungle. She’s trouble that one.
Terry from Ipswich asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that a Guinness a day is good for you?
Unkle Munky says - I love you Terry.
Sometimes, Unkle Munky, you research these queries far too thoroughly. Might I suggest that you finish early today?
Unkle Munky slurs - I think… I think you’re wonderful, Mary. I really, really do.
Rogue Minogue.
Unkle Munky says - Thanks Kylie. That’s great advice.
Munky’s Advent Calendar…
Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky’s assistant) Says - Go on then Munky, what’s that got to do with Xmas?
Unkle Munky says - Well it’s obviously the three wise hens isn’t it!? Are you being intentionally thick or what Mary?
Maroon Cock.
Debbie from Suffolk asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that Adam Levine of ‘Maroon 5′ fame was born in the year of the Cock?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Debbie, I have consulted my Phil Collins book of cocks and can confirm that said toss pot was indeed born under the sign of which you speak.
A Complaint.
John from Hull asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I must raise issue with the ‘advice’ given by your consumer correspondent, Ms. Rogue Minogue. Thanks to that useless air-head I am now in the undesirable position of having to cope with three excitable children over the yuletide season. My wife’s coma has been verified by professional personnel as being of a fraudulent nature. I can only assume that you will be issuing said employee with a written warning!
Unkle Munky says - Dear John, I apologise sincerely for any upset that Ms. Minogue’s advice may have caused. I will be issuing said Rogue with a formal warning just as soon as she wakes from her Xmas induced coma. And now, if you do not mind, I have a turkey to pluck. Good day!
Munky’s Advent Calendar…
I know I’m going to regret this… but what the fuck has 80’s pop sensation, Nick Kershaw, got to do with Xmas?
Unkle Munky says - Well isn’t it obvious? He later went on to become Saint Nick, the patron saint of presents.
Ms. Motion Sickness adds - I give up.
The Final Word.
Today’s final word goes to Breakfast TV’s very own Ms. Lorraine Kelly…
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