Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
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This week Munky believes that the end is nigh…
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Further Advent Calendar Complaints.
Ref. Further advent calendar anomalies.
Dear Unkle Munky, Yet again I have spent most of the morning wading through emails of a derogatory nature. To be quite frank, my sympathies go out to anyone who has purchased your 2007 advent calendar. I am at a loss as to what yesterday’s picture was meant to signify and would recommend that you enlighten the poor sods at your earliest possible convenience.
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. I would have thought it quite obvious Ms. Motion Sickness!? Door number nine simply reveals a reconstructed scene depicting the surroundings that greeted the little baby Jesus on the event of his birth.
Ms. Motion Sickness adds - Oh for god’s sake! The little baby Jesus was born in a manger! Not a baby changer!
Unkle Munky replies - Ahem. Are you sure? That’s most inconvenient!
This week: Bungle the bear barely gets to grips with ‘The return from the dead canoeist’ news story…
I see Bungle’s off his tits again.
Unkle Munky says - Might be.
Rowan from Kent asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I was recently fired from my job at the local library and was wondering if I might be able to make an unfair dismissal claim?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Rowan, I have studied the letter outlining said dismissal and can find no grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. With this in mind I would suggest that any claim pertaining to an unfair dismissal be dropped at your earliest possible convenience.
Rowan replies - What the fuc…
Anthea Turner’s Big Book of Evolutionary Facts.
Eva from Chestnut asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that humans are evolving at a faster rate than ever before?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Eva, I have consulted ‘Anthea Turner’s Big Book of Evolutionary Facts’ and can indeed confirm that humans are evolving at a faster rate than ever before. Unfortunately for us, however, Anthea’s attempts to further explain this phenomena appear to have been compromised by her compulsive cleaning disorder. I can only assume that this is a rough draft of the book and that the numerous chapters regarding said chores will undergo extreme editing before it hits the shelves.
Man on a Hill.
Unkle Munky says - Wow! That’s great. Thanks Man on a hill.
Munky’s Advent Calendar offering for Dec 12th…
Carl from Ludlow asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Do chickens have tongues? And if so, can they touch their noses with them?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Carl, Chickens do indeed have tongues. Sadly, however, they do not have noses. I hope this helps.
Why do you have a band-aid on your nose, Munky?
Unkle Munky says - A simple misunderstanding with regards to the previous enquiry is responsible for the injury of which you speak. There is nothing for you to worry about. Please get on with your pretend duties.
That’s not Simon Le Bon, Munky?
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. He was meant to be a look-a-like… I swear he sounded just like him on the phone? I wouldn’t mind, but he can’t even do serious mathematics!
A Memo Regarding the Switching on of Xmas Lights.
Ref. Christmas Illuminations.
Dear Ms. Motion Sickness, I find it hard to believe that I have yet to secure a Christmas booking. There is now little over a week to the big day and the diary appears to be empty. Are you absolutely sure that no one wants me to turn their lights on? I am, after all, Britain’s leading agony primate!
Ms. Motion Sickness replies - You are Britain’s ‘only’ agony primate! You therefore lead the competition by default. Idiot! As to your query: I can confirm that my Gran needs a 13 amp plug fitting to her fairy lights. I have pencilled you in for seven thirty tonight.
Unkle Munky adds - Oh fer fuck’s sake!
A short paws whilst Munky contemplates high definition television, and of how it might prove beneficial to the solving of murder mysteries.
The Final Word.
This week’s final word goes to X-Factor winner, Leon Jackson…
Have you had a bet on Malcolm Middleton being the Xmas number one, Munky?
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. I don’t know what you mean! Leon is obviously quite au fait with current musical trends. And now, if you do not mind, I have odds to calculate. Good day!