Unkle Munky Pg 83
From Writers of the World
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
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Contents |
Remember.
Sandra from East Ayrshire asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I forgot to observe the two minutes silence on armistice day a few weeks ago. I feel terrible and no mistake. What can I do to make amends?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Sandra, I have received numerous letters and emails on this very subject. As a result I have taken the liberty of recording a special downloadable version of the aforementioned silence. It will be available via itunes shortly. I hope this helps.
Sam from Wolverhampton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Whenever I have a pillow fight with my boyfriend he always seems to win. I am growing tired of his obnoxious celebratory displays and was wondering if you could advise me on how I might best defeat him?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Sam, I am hardly surprised that you are losing said fights. Your choice of weaponry is extremely ill-conceived and no mistake! Pillows are, after all, notoriously soft. During future battles of this nature I would recommend that you reach for a sturdy reading lamp.
Yesterday's News with Bungle Bear.
Unkle Munky says - You take no notice of the nasty man, Bungle.
Tina from Wales asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that people with low IQ’s are partial to pepperoni and ham pizza toppings?
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. What a ridiculous claim! Of course there’s no truth in it!
Your Pepperoni and ham pizza has arrived Munky.
Unkle Munky says - Oh fer fuck’s sake!
Euro 2008.
Dear Unkle Munky, What are your thoughts regarding England’s terrible performance at Wembley last night against Croatia?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Tim, To be quite frank, I am already tired of hearing about our failure to qualify for Euro 2008. We can take many positives from the aforementioned match. The condition of David’s hair, for instance, was simply breathe taking. As David says in his book, “Sometimes it’s difficult to face the media after such defeats. That’s why I always condition my hair twice before leaving the changing rooms.” Add David’s persuasive stare to the mix and, I think you’ll agree, we have much to be proud of.
Talk Dirty to Me.
Kirsty from Leigh asks - Dear Unkle Munky, During sexual intercourse my boyfriend often requests that I talk dirty to him. I am quite a nice girl and find it difficult to find the right words. Can you help? I am at my wits end and no mistake.
Unkle Muny says - Dear Kirsty, Men are very simple creatures. They are often, for reasons best known to themselves, aroused by talk of a foul nature. Whilst in the throws of a passionate encounter, might I suggest that you simply elude to his general lack of cleanliness.
Munky proudly introduces, Man on a hill.
Unkle Munky says - Wow! That’s just great. Thanks.
What the fuc…
A short paws whilst Munky ponders the plight of a suicidal cat who still has eight lives to kill.
Homework Corner.
Clarke from Kent asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am due to sit a Rainbow exam on Monday and was wondering how I might best remember the inherent colours of said optical and meteorological phenomena?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Clarke, I am currently consulting ‘Cyndi Lauper’s Big book of Rainbows’ and shall email you shortly with a convenient and easy to recall formula.
Unkle Munky replies - Dear Ms. Sickness, What the fuck has Richard of York got to do with anything!? Please attend to your pretend stapling and leave the important agonising issues of the day to my good self. Disgraceful behaviour!
The Final Word.
This week’s final word goes to David and Victoria Beckham…
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