Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
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This week Munky is calling on Mafia connections...
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Stuart from Keele asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am a very handsome student who attracts girls without even trying. I have slept with most of the females on my course. Last night I even found a semi naked hottie in my shower! I can literally have sex whenever the fancy takes me. With this in mind, is there some kind of supplement that I can take to maintain a healthy libido?
Unkle Munky says - Oh just fuck off Stuart.
Dear Unkle Munky, Your unprofessional response to the previous query was little short of despicable. To be quite frank, I’m not surprised that you are still a virgin. Traits such as envy are not attractive in a munky. Ahem, did Stuart leave a number? Perhaps I could offer him some female counsel?
Unkle Munky replies - No he didn’t leave a number! And please shut the fuck up about my vaginal status! Disgraceful behaviour!
Wow. That’s amazing. Thanks Tina.
Geoff from Draycott asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am well aware that artificial Xmas trees are readily available on the open market. Sadly, however, I have yet to discover anywhere that sells artificial pine needles to shed over the floor. Can you help?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Geoff, I have made a note of your prickly query and will investigate this matter at my earliest possible convenience. There would appear, at first glance, to be quite a challenging gap in the market with regards to such a product. I shall, of course, keep you duly informed. And now, if you do not mind, I have aftershave practice.
Thanks Samey. That’s great.
Vernon from Merthyr Tydfil asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am writing to complain in the strongest possible terms about a reply that I received via your office last week regarding a troublesome history exam question. I have since failed the aforementioned exam and would like to highlight your ineptitude in a hope that no one else falls victim to your questionable general knowledge skills.
Unkle Munky says - Dear Vernon, I apologise for any problems that my previous counsel may have caused. I must reiterate, however, that I am primarily an agony munky. I am not here to help students pass exams that they have not bothered to revise for! I stand by my original answer and still maintain that Dr. Martin Luther King’s famous quote was, ‘Oo, I could crush a grape’.
You really are useless Unkle Munky. That isn’t Martin Luther King! Please see the attached Jpeg.
Unkle Munky says - But surely that’s Dr. Martin Luther Vandross?
Yesterday’s News with Bungle Bear.
Unkle Munky says - You take no notice Bungle. You’re doing a great job.
Ms. Motion Sickness replies - Give me strength…
Debbie from Newcastle asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my mail marked with various exotic sauces?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Debbie, I did indeed receive your tasty correspondence. I would have answered far earlier had I not felt the urge to cook myself an immediate slap up meal. As to your query: Attempting to make a claim against Tefal, the none-stick saucepan manufacturer, is surely doomed to failure. According to their literature, said items are designed to repel ‘baked on food’ and not your son’s big fat stupid head! And now, if you do not mind, I have a small kitchen fire to extinguish. Good day!
A short paws whilst Munky has his tail treated for third degree burns.
The Final Word.
This week’s final word goes to Dr. Martin Luther King…