Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
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This week Munky is that boy, that girl...
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Anthony from Gwynedd asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am currently attempting to complete the crossword in ‘Agony Monthly’ and was wondering if you might be in a position to help me with twenty-nine down? The clue is - A five letter word often used to describe Unkle Munky, the second letter is ‘D’ and the fifth letter is ‘T’.
Unkle Munky says - Dear Anthony, I can only assume that the word you are looking for is ‘Adept’.
Dear Anthony, I successfully completed the aforementioned crossword yesterday and can confirm that twenty-nine down is ‘Idiot’.
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. Disgraceful behaviour! Please get me the editor of Agony Monthly on the telephone at your earliest possible convenience Ms. Motion Sickness.
A short paws whilst Munky attempts to secure a banana related pay increase from the British Board of Agony.
Janet from Flintshire asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My recently released boyfriend has managed to secure a part time job at the local chip shop. I am very pleased for him but also a little distressed with regards to the way he now smells. What can I do and no mistake?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Janet, Your recently released boyfriend is to be congratulated on securing employment. A steady income will help him to stay on the straight and narrow. With reference to your query; Complimenting your partners aroma might help you to overcome this unfortunate work related condition. I would suggest, on this occasion, that you attempt to secure employment at some kind of fish market. Failing this, you could simply slip a mackerel up your blouse.
Munky's Spirit Guide.
Wayne from Colechester asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Have you managed to contact your spirit guide yet with regards to my late gran’s unusual last will and testament request?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Wayne, Contacting my spirit guide is becoming increasingly difficult of late. His concert schedule is, to be quite frank, currently increasing at a rate not dissimilar to that of his waistline. Happily, however, I was able to pose your question late last night during his regular burger break…
- Elvis (Munky’s Spirit Guide)
Wendy from Slough asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am a big fan of pointing and was wondering what particular objects I should be concentrating on at this time of the year?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Wendy, I have consulted my ‘Victoria Beckham Big Book of Pointing’ and can reveal that falling leaves are currently favoured amongst those who subscribe to this exciting new activity.
Wendy replies - Thanks Munky. Falling leaves sound just perfect and no mistake.
The Banal Brothers.
Unkle Munky - Zzzzzzzz….
Munky! Wake up!
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. Oh. Sorry Mary. Those Banal brothers bore me shitless and no mistake.
Janet from Dewsbury asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I have just purchased a new pair of shoes and was wondering how I might stop them from squeaking?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Janet, Fitting bells to your new shoes will instantly smother the squeaking annoyance of which you speak.
Ref. Picture anomaly.
Dear Ms. Motion Sickness, Could please explain as to why you felt it necessary to attach a sea related picture to the previous query?
Ms. Motion Sickness replies - Oh. Sorry Munky. I misread your counsel with regards to said query and thought that had you advised Janet to fit shells to her shoes.
Unkle Munky says - Waste of fuckin’ time! Incidently, did you manage to get this week’s ‘final word’ organised?
Ms. Motion Sickness says - Oh yes Munky. It’s quite a scoop and no mistake…
The Final Word.
This week’s final word goes to the king of pope music, Sir Cliff Richard.
Unkle Munky - Oh fer fuck’s sake!