Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
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This week Munky is on your planet...
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Hair Today, None Tomorrow.
Rob from Colechester asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Do you think there will ever be a cure for male baldness?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Rob, You are obviously unaware of the current advances in this field. Please allow me to introduce my window cleaner, Dave. As you can see, Dave is wearing a wonderful hair piece that many would not recognise as being artificial. I think we can safely assume that male baldness is definitely a stigma of the past.
Dave the window cleaner says - Can I take it off now Munky?
Unkle Munky says - Well if you must. To be quite frank, I was just about to invite you for a meal…
Sharon from Burwick asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter marked ‘For the urgent attention of banana breath’?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Sharon, I did indeed receive your somewhat offensively addressed letter. I would have answered you far earlier had I not been busy assembling a paper-clip necklace . This aside, it is with some regret that I must inform you of my inability to answer your question regarding inflated travel charges to the Big Apple. I have, however, taken the liberty of passing your letter onto my consumer correspondent, Ms. Rogue Minogue…
Unkle Munky says - Thanks Kylie.
I swear she’s full of crap Munky.
Unkle Munky says - How many times Mary!? Please leave the human resources side of things to my good self! Ms. Minogue has thirteen children to raise and needs all of the financial support that she can get. And now, if you do not mind, I have a matching bracelet to fashion. Good day!
Unkle Munky says - Some people are just downright rude Bungle. You take no notice.
Ms. Motion Sickness adds - Oh fer fuck’s sake!
Warren from Stevenage asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that the ‘Penzance Harbour Lighthouse’ was recently at the centre of a tragic maritime incident? My mate says that one of the trainee lighthouse keepers attempted to swap the ‘overbearing’ lightbulb for one of those pastel shade affairs? I suspect he’s pulling my plonker and no mistake.
Unkle Munky says - Dear Warren, I can confirm that the ‘Panzance Harbour Lighthouse’ was indeed at the centre of a tragic maritime incident. I can also confirm that said incident was caused by the simple changing of a lightbulb. The vessel involved was a container ship and most, if not all, of the cargo was lost. The captain of the ship, however, was quite relaxed about the whole affair. Apparently the calming pastel lights illuminating from the rocky shoreline were said to have appeased his troubled, and somewhat soggy, brow.
A short paws whilst Munky contemplates the plight of a smelly sniffer dog.
Donna from Leigh asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter marked with dubious substances?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Donna, I did indeed receive your grubby correspondence! My political correspondent, Bungle Bear, no longer deals in ‘gear’ and most certainly will not be meeting you at the local greasy spoon! And now, if you do not mind, I have personal hygiene practice. Good day!
I told you he was trouble Munky.
Unkle Munky says - Just shut it Mary and get on with some pretend facsimilating.
- Justin Timberlake.
Jody from Cambridge asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that you never forget your first love?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Jody, This is a romantic notion that holds very little water. I can confirm, for my part, that I am unable to recall anything about my first love.
That’s because she was a fully trained hypnotised Munky. I have it on good authority that she erased herself from your memory so that you wouldn’t keep pestering her with lager fuelled serenades!
Unkle Munky says - So that’s why I cluck like a chicken after my third pint!?
Introducing, The Banal Brothers.
Unkle Munky says - Jeezus. They certainly live up to their name!
The Final Word...
This week’s final word goes to Thom York of Radiohead fame. Thom and his band made record music history this week by allowing their fans to name their own price for the latest download of their new CD, ‘In Rainbows’.
Unkle Munky says - Blimey. No wonder you looked so tittsed.