Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
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This week Munky is shopping for fake rabbits...
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Rob from Southport asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I have a very important basketball match coming up later in the week and was wondering if you could offer me any tips?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Robert, I am unable to offer any tips with regards to said activity. Sadly, my sporting prowess does not extend to the basketball court.
Your sporting prowess doesn’t really extend very far at all does it Munky?
Shut it Mary!
Unkle Munky says - Oh bollocks! They never have a rampant fondness for tiddlywinks champions do they?
A short paws whilst Munky replaces the plaque on his tiddlywinks trophy…
Unkle Munky says - There, that should do it.
Ms. Motion Sickness sighs - Oh fer fuck’s sake…
Stacy from County Tyrone asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter marked with lipstick?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Stacy, I did indeed receive the aforementioned correspondence. I would have replied far earlier had I not been distracted by a banana shaped cloud. As to your query: The term ‘Intimate gig’ refers to the relatively small size of the venue. Though I suspect Shayne Ward will be of a friendly demeanour I would not expect him to be engaging sexually with the audience. I can therefore advise that condoms will not be necessary. And now, if you do not mind, I have scrambled egg practice. Good day!
I bet you wouldn’t mind getting intimate with Mr. Ward Munky?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Ms. Sickness, I must insist that you put an end to this constant rumour mongering . My admiration for Mr. Ward is based purely on his singing abilities and nothing more! Disgraceful behaviour! And now, if you do not mind, I have activities of a manly nature to pursue. Good day!
Francis from Devon asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that French mime artist, Marcel Marceau, was laid to rest earlier today?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Francis, I haven’t heard anything…
- Bungle Bear. Political Advisor to a Munky.
Thank you for that update Bungle.
You might assume that you are doing Bungle a favour by giving him a job Munky, but all you’re really doing is giving him the money he requires to feed his various drug habits. I still say he’s talking bollocks.
Unkle Munky says - Dear Ms. Motion Sickness, Please keep your views regarding my political advisor to your sickly gothic self! Why you have this constant need to badger a bear who is desperately trying to get his life back on track is, to be quite frank, both regrettable and annoying. Please see that Bungle gets his wages. Good day!
Ms. Motion Sickness replies - Oh he got his wages alright. He’s currently scoring a phat fix that will apparently synchronise his brain to the undulating beat of mother nature’s very own Roland TR-808, whatever that is.
Unkle Munky says - What Bungle does with his wages is completely up to him.
Kurt from Oxford asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it normal for girlfriends to fart? I always assumed that this particular activity was predominantly a preserve practiced by those of a male bent?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Kurt, Your girlfriend has broken no rules with regards to her farting. Women now enjoy equal rights with their male counterparts and, as a result, can often be witnessed expelling gas in a somewhat crude fashion. And now, if you do not mind, I have windows to open. Good day!
Lee From Humberside asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that Hollywood film star, Tom Cruise, is planning to build a bunker to protect his family in the event of an intergalactic alien attack?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Lee, I am currently unable to answer this query as I am busy erecting a shed. With this in mind, I shall pass you over to my celebrity reporter, Ms. Samey Winehouse.
She’s another one of your employees who is full of shit Munky.
Unkle Munky says - I have no time to argue Ms. Motion Sickness. It is imperative that I get this shed erected. If Tom is right those aliens could be here at any moment…
The Final Word.
This week's final word goes to her right horrible Margaret Thatcher...
Unkle Munky says - Well I guess that explains a lot then Maggie.