Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
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This week Munky is batting his lashes...
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The Miami Vice Washroom Compendium.
Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my email regarding recycled toilet tissue?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Sally, I did indeed receive your stomach churning mail. I have consulted my ‘1987 Miami Vice Washroom Compendium’ and can assure you that said products are not recycled from previously used arse wipes.
- The Miami Vice Washroom Compendium (Page 12)
Christina from Leyton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I used to really enjoy making compilation tapes for my friends. With this in mind, I was wondering if perhaps the cassette tape might one day make a comeback?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Christina, Do you mean reel to reel? As far as I can ascertain, said technology never went away? To be quite frank, I find your query somewhat confusing and no mistake.
Dear Christina, I must apologise for Munky’s lack of understanding with regards to your previous question. It is important to remember, when conversing with the primate, that he is, at best, technologically backward. Here, for instance, is a photo of the dictaphone that he expects me to work with.
Unkle Munky says - And the problem is?
Munky's Passport Photo.
Ref. Passport Photo.
Dear Unkle Munky, I have just taken a call from Liverpool regarding your passport application. Apparently the photo that you have supplied is far from adequate?
Unkle Munky says - Oh fer fuck’s sake! It wasn’t my fault that the seat in the photo booth was too low!
Jamie from Shetland asks - Dear Unkle Munky, What is the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery?
Unkle Munky says - I don’t know Jamie, what is the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery?
Jamie replies - ? This is not a joke Munky! I just need to know for a school project.
Unkle Munky says - Dear Jamie, That is possibly the worst joke I have ever heard. The punch line leaves a lot to be desired and no mistake!
Jamie says - I give up.
Brian from Sutton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter marked with tomato sauce and chip fat?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Brian, I did indeed receive your tasty correspondence. I can only blame the lateness of this reply on my urge to lick the aforementioned communication. As to your query: I am at a loss as to why your place of work should be equipped with a fire blanket. Napping in a kitchen, be it domestic or commercial, is not to be advised, especially when said facility is ablaze. I shall pass your query onto fireman Sam at my earliest possible convenience and no mistake. Good day!
Brad from Manchester asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my mail marked ‘For the urgent attention of Munky’?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Brad, I did indeed receive the aforemention correspondence. Had I not been grief-stricken I would have answered far earlier. Luckily, my political correspondent, Bungle Bear, has since shed some much needed light onto this potentially disastrous situation.
- Bungle Bear. Political Advisor to a Munky.
Unkle Munky says - Phew. Thanks Bungle.
Warren from Stevenage asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that love-hearts can help prevent organ rejection amongst cardiovascular recipients? I suspect that my mate is pulling my plonker again and no mistake!
Unkle Munky says - Dear Warren, I have consulted my ‘1997 book of transplants’ and can confirm that the aforementioned confectionary product is indeed instrumental in aiding the body’s ability to accept a donor heart. You might be interested to note that said candy can also be used to alleviate the pain of a recent break up.
Gemma from Kirby asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that green cars are difficult to sell because they are perceived as being unlucky?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Gemma, My late friend Barry once had a green car. It never gave him any trouble at all. I would recommend, on this occasion, that you put aside such trivial superstitions and go with your heart.
What exactly happened to your late friend?
Unkle Munky replies - Oh he died in a freak accident involving his green Vauxhall Astra and a Boeing 747.
- Elvis (Munky’s Spirit Guide)
Unkle Munky says - Ahem. Just leave it Elvis.
Dream Analysis with Davina Dreams.
Vernon from Glasgow asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Last night I dreamt that myself and a friend lowered Noel Edmonds, head first, into a huge tank of water. We left him there for approximately three minutes. When we retrieved the aforementioned television host it became apparent that, not only had he drowned, but he had also shrunk to the size of an action man. How would you interpret such a dream Unkle Munky?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Vernon, I have passed your query onto my dream analyst, Davina Dreams.
She must be revising.
Unkle Munky replies - Shut it Mary!
The Final Word.
This week’s final word goes to Jack from The White Stripes…
Unkle Munky says - Thanks Jack.