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  • Artist - Kele.
  • Videos prone to removal.

Phone Dilemma


Alex from Orkney asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I just dropped my mobile phone into the toilet. My friend says that I should immediately place said phone in rice. Is this normal practice?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Alex, I have previous experience of your dilemma and can categorically state that it does not work. In fact, my phone was rendered completely inoperable after said procedure!

Mary says new

Munky, your phone was rendered inoperable because you threw it into a saucepan full of boiling rice, you idiot!

Alex, placing your recently submerged phone into a bowl of 'uncooked' rice will help draw the water away from sensitive components.

Munky adds - Ahem. Well why didn’t anyone tell me that at the time!?

Nana States

Nana health n safety

  • Pictured: Nana States’ father hard at work in his tweed safety cap.

Cut-Price Joop

Mary says new

Munky, are you wearing that cut-price aftershave again!?

Unkle Munky says - I might be, Mary. What of it!?


Ms. Motion Sickness gags - I need some air…

Who's Not in a Room

Not in a room lampard

They think it's all over...


Simone from Basildon asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My boyfriend has become very depressed since England lost to Germany in the World Cup. What can I do?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Simone, Why not put the spring back into your boyfriend’s step by reminding him that we still have Wimbledon to lose?

Simone scratches her head - Huh?

UK Munky Gold Plus One

Art gecko the scream2

*Sunday 9pm. Only on UK Munky Gold +1

Love Dimensions

Debbie from Hull asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am a woman of average height who dates a midget. How can I put an end to the mockery that seems to accompany our every move?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Debbie, Love comes in many shapes and sizes. Those who mock your relationship are surely mocking love. They are to be pitied for their ignorance and tactlessness. Tell me, has the little short-arse considered stilts?


  • Pictured: Famous midget, Tom Cruise.


Memo from mms2

Munky, we've received a complaint from Mr. Cruise's agent regarding the previous item. To avoid legal action I would recommend that you print an apology as soon as possible.

Unkle Munky says - Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Mary. It is not in my nature to cause offence. I would therefore like to publicly apologise for any misunderstanding regarding this matter. I will of course amend the offending item immediately.


  • Pictured: Famous dwarf, Tom Cruise.

Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) replies - Oh for fuck's sake!

Munky Predicts

Eng flag resized

Colin from Bedfordshire asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Do you have any predictions with regards to this afternoon’s England Vs. Slovenia World Cup football match?

Unkle Munky says - Yes indeed, Colin. I can comfortably predict that a lot of English people will dodge work and get very, very pissed.

Colin replies - Fuckin’ useless!


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