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Best drums

  • Artist - The Drums.
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Complaint dept

Adrian from Manchester asks - Dear Unkle Munky, A few weeks ago you persuaded me that my concerns regarding green cars and their propensity to bring bad luck were completely unfounded. I went ahead and purchased the car on the understanding that you knew what you were talking about! You really are shit at this agony business!

Unkle Munky replies - So what exactly seems to be the problem, Adrian?

Adrian says - I’ll show you what the fcuking problem is, Munky!

Right off

Unkle Munky says - Ahem. Well perhaps in the future you’ll be a little more careful as to where you park. Good day!

Adrian replies - Oh for fuck’s sake!


Public service info

Surly Youth


Mrs. Taylor from Salford asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My teenage son hardly speaks to me of late. What can I do?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Mrs. Taylor, Have you considered texting him?

Mrs. Taylor replies - What the…!? The rumours are true! You really are shit at this agony business!

Unkle Munky replies - How rude! I’ll have you know that I am now a fully affiliated member of the BBA (British Board of Agony). I even have a certificate to prove it!

Munky mem to mary

Unkle Munky says - Dear Ms. Motion Sickness, Did you manage to acquire that headed paper from your contacts at the British Board of Agony?

Mary says new

Yes Munky. It's in the top drawer of your desk. What did you want it for?

Unkle Munky says - Ahem. Never you mind...

Munky's British Board of Agony Certificate


Mary says new

Oh for fuck's sake!

The Big Book of Navels

Simone from Grantham asks - Dear Unkle Munky, did you get my letter regarding dogs and navels?

Unkle Munky replies - Dear Simone, I have consulted 'My Big Book of Navels' and can confirm that dogs do indeed have navels. You might be interested to note, however, that they tend to appear as thin hairless lines and are far less prominent than those of humans.

Simone replies - Oh that’s a shame. I wanted to get it pierced.

Unkle Munky adds - Jeezus!


Munky's Mundane News


Chip Pan Sinatra

Barry from Tamworth asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that you provide lead vocals for an imaginary band called Chip Pan Sinatra?

Unkle Munky replies - Dear Barry, I can confirm that I do indeed provide the lead vocal for an imaginary band called ‘Chip Pan Sinatra’. I can also confirm that we will be playing a one-off imaginary gig in Huddersfield tonight at an imaginary venue called ‘Atomic Flinstones’.

Mary says new

...I imagine they’ll be shit.

Unkle Munky says - Shut it, Mary!

Chip pan


Rose from Ashby de la Zouch asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Later today I will be taking part in a swimming competition. I am confident that I will do well but am a little concerned with regards to the freestyle heat. Do you have any suggestions?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Rose, Have you considered origami? I bet none of the other swimmers will be attempting the ancient Japanese art of paper folding.

Rose replies - What the fuc..? ‘Freestyle’ doesn’t mean we can do anything, Munky! It has to be swimming related! God, you’re shit!

Unkle Munky says - Ahem. Well perhaps you could fashion an origami swimmer?


Rose sighs - I give up.

Bungle's Barely News


Unkle Munky says - Ahem. That’s very interesting, Bungle. While you’re at the garden centre could you get me some Baby Bio please?

Bungle replies - I can, Munky, but it doesn’t have the same affect as Mephedrone does.

Unkle Munky says - Oh for god’s sake! I want it to feed my rubber plant with, Bungle. I don’t want to ingest the bloody stuff. I thought you didn’t do that kinda thing anymore?

Bungle replies - Ahem. I just tried a little as a part of my journalistic investigation, Munky.



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