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  • Artist - Mumford & Sons.
  • Videos prone to removal.


Mark from Newark asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My girlfriend has started working in a sex shop. I am worried about the kind of men who she may come into contact with and was wondering if you could offer me any advice?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Mark, I have been studying your query for almost an hour now and I am still confused as to exactly what the problem is? After all, I myself have been known to browse the shelves of said establishments

Mark replies - Yeah, like I said, I’m worried about the kind of lowlife scum that she may come into contact with.


Unkle Munky says - Ahem. How rude!

Nana States

Nana states

She states the bleedin' obvious... Usually.

This Week: Road Safety.

Nana States - Here are a few tips that will help keep you safe during these dark autumnal nights.

  • High visibility is extremely beneficial to the safety of any pedestrian. Wearing a traffic cone on your head will therefore assist you in achieving this goal.

  • Goths: Your dark apparel makes you susceptible to nocturnal hit and run incidents. See previous tip.

  • Zebra crossings are for zebras! Pedestrian crossings are for pedestrians! Abusing this system is both foolhardy and selfish.

  • The little green man is meant to flash. Reporting him to the authorities will not result in a conviction.

  • Pensioners: It is your duty to ease the flow of traffic as often as you possibly can. Achieving this goal can be aided by crossing busy roads in a confused and lethargic manner.

Unkle Munky says - Ahem. Thank you Nana. Perhaps you should have a little nap now?

Mary's Twitter

Mary twitter breast

Map Reading

Dan from Gateshead asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I’m meant to be attending a Map Reading Awareness Course today but I’m having trouble tracking it down. What can I do?

Unkle Munky says - Oh fer god’s sake!


  • Pictured: Dan attempts to establish where the Map Reading Awareness Course is being held.

Munky Tries to Claim Incapacity Benefit

Memo from mms2

Munky, your claim for incapacity benefit has been turned down. It would appear that your inability to concentrate on work when faced with cleavages is not recognised as a serious medical condition.

Unkle Munky replies - Ahem, oh well. It was worth a try.

Ms. Motion Sickness sighs - And will you stop staring at my tits!

Short Paws

A short paws whilst Munky considers the plight of a xenophobic tourist guide.

Short paws

The Trouble With Old People

Ben from Aberdeenshire asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Why does my granny have a chair in her bath and a big handrail on the wall?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Ben, It appears to me that laziness is slowly becoming more prevalent amongst the old. I suspect that she'll be wanting one of those scooters to go shopping on next.

Ben replies - She already has one, Munky.

Unkle Munky replies - I rest my case. Lazy!


  • Pictured: Ben's lazy grandma shows off her new bath chair.

Man on a Hill

Man on a hill goth

Remembering What's Her Name

Amanda from Surrey asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I often worry that I will not be remembered after my death. What can I do to address this fear?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Amanda, I was once flashed by a lady in a Surrey nightclub. I have never forgotten her… Or, to be more precise, I have never forgotten her tits. Ahem. Perhaps you could take a leaf out of her book?

Amanda replies - Disgraceful advice! I’ve a good mind to take my agony elsewhere!

Unkle Munky says - Please yourself, love.

At rest

Please Wait

Carla from Inverclyde asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it normal for men to show signs of irritability if they don't get regular sex?

Unkle Munky says - Irritability!? If we don't get regular sex!? Of course fuckin' not! I've never heard such bullshit!


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