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Homework Corner

Homework corner

This week: Veal.

Mark from Wrexham asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Where does veal come from?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Mark, Veal comes from the butcher's shop.

Mark replies - What the fuc...?

Unhappy Birthday

Little red sports bra

Debbie from Stoke asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you manage to speak to my estranged boyfriend with regards to my birthday present?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Debbie, I have indeed spoken to your estranged boyfriend about said matter. He assures me that he never promised to buy you a little red sports car and that you must have simply misheard him. He loves you very much and, knowing of your fondness to jog, simply assumed that a little red sports bra would fit the bill. It seems quite obvious to me that your expectations regarding this matter were set far too high from the start! Good day!

Separated at Birth?

Sep at birth

Mutha Phucker

Ryan from Leeds asks - Dear Unkle Munky, How can I raise awareness of my Band 'Mutha Phucker' when none of the local venues will book us? I don't understand it.

Unkle Munky says - Dear Ryan, Have you considered a name change?

Ryan replies - A name change? Why, what's wrong with Ryan?

Unkle Munky says - Oh fer phuck's sake...


Nana States

Nana states

She states the bleedin' obvious... Usually.

This Week: Responsible Drinking.

Nana States - Here are a few useful tips that are in keeping with the government's proposals to encourage responsible drinking.

  • Always take a sip from a freshly pulled pint before attempting to cross a heavily populated pub or club.

  • Make a note of your address and keep it in your pocket. This will help aid clearer communication between yourself and your taxi driver should you find yourself too pissed to talk.

  • Always drink from the side of the glass that is nearest to you.

  • Screaming your head off at the bar can be avoided by simply typing your order into the text editor of a mobile phone.

  • Projectile vomiting might indicate that your night is nearing its natural conclusion.

Unkle Munky says - Ahem. Thank you Nana. Perhaps you should have a little nap now?


Abby from Gloucester asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My mum says that I am always looking for attention. What can I do to prove her wrong?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Abby, Why not prove your mother wrong by wearing a T-Shirt emblazoned with a slogan applicable to your cause?


Mary's Twitter

Mary twitter netbook

Unkle Munky says - Oh fer god's sake!

Eyesight Query

Karl from Solihull asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that masturbating can harm your eyesight?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Karl, I fail to see how your masturbating can possibly harm my eyesight. You go for it, fella.


Karl replies - What the fuc…?

Short Paws

A short paws whilst Munky collects his thoughts and throws them underneath his bed with the rest of his porn.

Short paws

Snow Way

Warren from Stevenage asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my email regarding snow? I suspect my mate is pulling my plonker again and no mistake.

Unkle Munky says - Dear Warren, You're friend's impressive grasp of general knowledge is quite obviously hard for you to accept. I have been in contact with the British Board of Weather and can confirm that snowflakes were indeed rationed during World War Two.



Memo munk to mary

Unkle Munky says - Mary, why did you deem it necessary to attach a picture of Channel Four news reader, Jon Snow, to the previous query?

Ms. Mary Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) says - Sorry, Munky. I thought it was Jon Snow who had been rationed during World War Two. My mistake.

Unkle Munky says - How Ridiculous!



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