Unkle Munky Pg 128

From Writers of the World

Artist - Pop Levi.

Song - Dita Dimoné.

Videos prone to removal.

What's in a Name?

Complaint

Ref: What’s in a Name feature.

Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) says - Dear Unkle Munky, I am receiving numerous complaints about the previous feature. In an effort to appease the anger that is mounting towards you from various Liam’s I would suggest that you print a full and frank apology!

Unkle Munky says - Dear Mary, Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I never intended to offend anyone with my new feature and will of course withdraw any references linking said Liam’s with dispositions relating to sensitivity.

Ms. Motion Sickness replies - I give up.

Bungle's Barely News

Men at Work

Zoe from East London asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My boyfriend has taken to wearing my thong whilst doing the housework. Is this normal?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Zoe, This kind of behaviour, although unusual, is not unheard of. Strange as it might seem, some men actually do enjoy doing the housework.

Zoe replies - What the fuc...?

Munky's Fact File

In certain states of America it is illegal to scratch ones genitals. One can, however, scratch someone else's.

The glue used on the back of postage stamps is actually formulated to taste like the queen's face.

Along with its fuel tank the space shuttle also ejects its wing mirrors, windscreen wipers and comedy red nose.

Kate Winslet's imitation of the Titanic won her 'Best portrayal of a Passenger Liner' at last years nautical awards bash.

Professor Stephen Hawkins automatically updates on the second Tuesday of every month.

Microsoft's 'Goldfish' Operating System has been shelved after it was unable to retain user settings for any longer than 3 seconds.

Elton John's Candle in the Wind was originally written about a fart-lighting competition that both he and Bernie Taupin held in 1976.

Google has never taken a gap year as it has no problems finding itself.

In a bid to delay state pension claims the government is to offer free anti wrinkle cream to the over 60's.

Kinder Surprise eggs were originally laid by a very surprised looking chicken.

Factually incorrect at time of going to press.

Fan Club

Munky, your Ann Widdecombe Fan Club Pack has arrived.

Unkle Munky replies - Ahem. Must you tell everyone, Mary! I'll be along to collect it shortly. Good day!

Relationship Advice

Shaun from Ballyrory asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My new girlfriend is absolutely hopeless in the kitchen. What can I do?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Shaun, Perhaps you should do what normal people do and have sex in the bedroom!

Shaun replies - Oh for god’s sake! I wasn’t talking about sex! Just forget about it, Munky! You really are shit at this agony business!

Wimbledon News

The King of Pop is Dead

Jason from Cheshire asks - Dear Unkle Munky, The King of Pop died earlier today. With this in mind I was wondering if you might have some words of comfort for his grieving fans?

Unkle Munky says - Dear Jason, This is most distressing news. H from Steps was a true star. I have no doubt that his legacy will shine on for all of eternity.

Jason replies - Oh for god’s sake! I was referring to Michael Jackson, you hairy idiot!

Unkle Munky says - Oh thank fuck for that!