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Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.

New munky



This week Munky is a dancing like a white boy.


Dance like a


Artist - Master Shortie.

Song - Dance Like a White Boy.


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Patron Saints

Warren from Stevenage asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my email regarding patron saints? I suspect my mate is pulling my plonker again and no mistake!


Unkle Munky says - Dear Warren, Your email arrived this morning via electronic carrier pigeon. I have consulted the relative authorities and can confirm that Mr. Russell Hobbs is indeed the Patron Saint of Kettles.


Hobbs



Memo

Memo from mms2

Dear Unkle Munky, I'm getting numerous complaints regarding your new range of condoms. A number of men have reported experiencing skin irritations and sores after use. How exactly are they lubricated?


Unkle Munky says - Dear Ms. Sickness, This is most irregular and no mistake! The condoms themselves are manufactured from the finest latex that money can buy. The lubricant is also of the highest standard. In fact it's one of the best on the market - Duckhams Hypergrade.


Ms. Motions Sickness replies - Oh fer fucks sake! I'll get them recalled straight away!


Condomshyper



Munky's Twitterings

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G20 News

Ray from London asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Every lunch hour I like to purchase a Chocolate Éclair from the cake shop across the road. Today, however, I have been unable to fight my way through the crowds. Are they running a 'two for the price of one' promotion or something?


Unkle Munky replies - Dear Ray, I have been unable to contact said cake shop and therefore can only assume that they are rushed off their feet. The trouble with promotions of this kind is that regulars like your good self often lose out.


Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) says - Oh fer god's sake! I think you'll find it's something to do with the G20 protests, Munky!


Unkle Munky adds - Really? ...So is the Chocolate Éclair promotion on or off?


Eclair protests


  • Pictured: Ray attempts to purchase a Chocolate Éclair during the controversial 'two for one' campaign.



Bungle's Barely News

Bbn population



Who's That Girl?

Frank from Surrey asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Have you heard anything about my adoption bid?


Unkle Munky says - Dear Frank, it would appear that your application for the adoption of Madonna has been declined. Your failure to fully explain the absence of 'The Immaculate collection' from your CD rack apparently led the judge to believe that you would not make a suitable candidate.


Frank replies - But 'The Immaculate collection' was little more than a greatest hits album! This stinks and no mistake. Can I make an appeal?


Unkle Munky says - You can make whatever you like, Frank.


Madonnafrank


  • Pictured: Frank, prior to losing his bid to adopt Madonna.



Munky's HeadLies

Lookatit



Toasted

Alex from Spondon asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that defective toasters claimed the lives of 791 people last year?


Unkle Munky says - Dear Alex, I have consulted my ‘Big Book of Death’ and can confirm that 791 people were indeed killed by defective toasters last year. With safety in mind I would recommend that defective grills be used when making toast in the future.


Faultytoast


  • Pictured: Professor Von Hadenuff investigates the latest in a long line of faulty toasters.



Nudist Query

Beth from Brighton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my email? Ref. Nude sunbathing concerns.


Unkle Munky says - Dear Beth, Your email arrived this morning. I have studied the attached jpeg's and would agree that your fellow nudists were indeed 'dressing you' with their eyes. I know I most certainly was! They've put me right off my Chocolate Éclair and no mistake!


Nudesign



The Art of Conversation

Isabel asks - Dear Unkle Munky, According to my lecturer at college, the art of good conversation centres on a persons ability to ask questions and to listen attentively to the answers. What do you think?


Unkle Munky says - Ey?


Conversationey


Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) sighs - He's fuckin' hopeless...




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