Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
This week Munky calls her 'Babe'...
Artist - One Eskimo.
Song - Kandi.
- Click here to play...
- Videos prone to removal.
Cindy from Flint asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I recently got caught stealing a can of chicken soup from my local convenience store. What am I doing wrong?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Cindy, I have taken the liberty of studying the cctv footage from said store. It would appear to my trained eye that your tight clothing might have ultimately been responsible for your failure to successfully conceal the aforementioned can of soup. With this in mind I would recommend apparel of a baggy nature.
Cindy replies - But I don't like baggy clothes, Munky.
Unkle Munky says - In that case, Cindy, I would suggest that you steal sachets of instant soup instead, such as the Bachealor's Cup-a-Soup range.
- Pictured - Cctv footage showing Cindy's flagrant disregard for shoplifting etiquette.
Munky Helps the Cause.
Mike from Lincolnshire asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am still waiting for a reply to an email that I sent you this morning?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Mike, Sadly I am unable to attend your protest but have managed, for a very reasonable price, to persuade my postman, Polish Pete, to dissent on my behalf. I hope this helps.
Mike replies - Oh fer fuck's sake!
- Pictured - Contractors at a nuclear plant walk out in support of protests over the use of foreign labour.
UK Munky Gold +1
Munky Discovers Twitter.
Munky is now available on Twitter>>>
Sophie from Jersey asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My local drug dealer has started selling fruit. What shall I do?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Sophie, The credit crunch is hitting us all in different ways. I would suggest, on this occasion, that you support your local dealer by purchasing the odd apple.
I Bet Michael Caine Doesn't Know That!
This week, Unkle Munky is betting that Michael Caine has absolutely no idea about the following fact;
Men's zinc levels are depleted by approximately 20% when they ejaculate.
Michael Caine answers - Hello?
Unkle Munky says - Hello. Is that Michael Caine?
Michael Caine - Yes, yes it is...
Unkle Munky says - Hello, Michael. Tell me, how much zinc can the average man expect to expel from his body when ejaculating?
Michael Caine replies - Who is this!?
Bungle's Barely News
Greg from Perth asks - Dear Unkle Munky, It seems to me that new technologies and innovations are always embraced by the young. With this in mind I was wondering if you could think of any inventions that might have been championed primarily by the old?
Unkle Munky says - Blimey. You make a fair point, Greg. I'll have to think about this one for a while...
Unkle Munky says - Shut up, Gran! I'm trying to think.
The Mysterious Case of the Missing Spoon.
Francis from Huddersfield asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Have there been any developments with regards to the mysterious case of the missing spoon?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Francis, Hercule Parrot assures me that he is doing everything in his power to locate the spoon of which you speak. He already has a list of suspects and will be interviewing them just as soon as his vocabulary has progressed beyond the predictable - 'Who's a pretty boy then?'
The Origins of Soup.
Jason from Stafford asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I was fascinated to read your recent explanation of how Chicken Soup came by its name. Tell me, would the origins of Tomato Soup's name be similar?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Jason, I am unable to answer your question without first consulting my trusty 'Origins of Soup' publication. I would imagine, however, that there is little similarity between the two. After all, one contains chicken and the other doesn't. I shall email you privately after further investigation.
- An extract from 'The Origins of Soup' by Charles Darwin (Cross & Blackwell publications).