Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions.
Unkle Munky says - What the fuc..?
The Olden Days with Katie & Sarah Watts.
Rick from North Wales asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding the olden days?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Rick, I have taken the liberty of passing your query onto conjoined antique twins, Katie & Sarah Watts.
Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) says - Are you sure they're conjoined, Unkle Munky?
Unkle Munky replies - Yes Mary. Their dresses were tragically sewn together during a rushed hem alteration. Tragic it was, simply tragic...
Dear Mary, I was just wondering how my 'Best of Unkle Munky 2008' editorial was coming along? The end of the year is close at hand and no mistake.
Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) says - It's not 'coming along' at all, Munky! I've trawled the past twelve months of your column and, if I'm being frank, all of your advice has been shit.
Unkle Munky replies - How rude!
When History Disappoints.
Paul from Wiltshire asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My professional landscaping services have been called upon by the good folk of Stonehenge. I favour the electric lawnmower and was wondering where, in the vicinity, I might gain access to the national grid?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Paul, It is with some pride that I am able to inform you of our ancestor's foresight with regards to this matter. The following picture highlights the electrical socket previously installed by the Druids. I hope this helps.
Paul replies - Does the socket in question offer electrical surge protection, Unkle Munky?
Unkle Munky says - No, Paul.
Paul replies - Fuckin' hopeless those Druids were!
Bungle's Barely News.
At the Age Concern News Conference...
The Big Tissue.
Jason from Manchester asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Have you managed to shed any light on my recent query?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Jason, I have taken the liberty of contacting your local area organiser with regards to your disappointing sales figures. He has subsequently confirmed my suspicions. You are meant to be selling The Big Issue (as opposed to a Big Tissue).
Tracey from Harrogate asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I recently wrote to the Prime Minister, Mr. Gordon Brown, with an idea that I've had. Unfortunately I have yet to receive any form of reply. Shall I write again?
Unkle Munky says - Dear Tracey, Mr. Brown's secretary informs me that your letter did indeed arrive. Sadly, however, the Prime Minister does not believe that the profits from a 'Splendid Hat Shop' will sufficiently alleviate the current economic crisis.
Tracey replies - What about socks?
Unkle Munky adds - Just leave it Tracey.
Lost & Found.
Eric from Little Haywood asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My girlfriend claims to have found Jesus. Is there a reward?
Unkle Munky says - Oh fer fuck's sake!
- Pictured: Eric impersonating Jesus.
On Second Thoughts...