Seekers of enlightenment.

Hello weary travellers, my name is Sister Sara and I welcome you to the spiritual enlightenment retreat and quest for universal harmony centre.

Please leave your luggage here; it will be attended to later, in the ceremony of the big fire.

Now the first step on the path to true understanding is to become one with yourself. Only through accepting and acknowledging ones own flaws can we hope to understand the world around us, and through that awareness become closer to the spiritual flow of existence.

This knife? It is just to help me remove your clothing. Stop struggling. Yes that’s got it. Now you are free of the trappings of modern soci- stop winging on about your expensive outfit you pansy! As I was saying; free of the trappings of modern society you can truly experience your own body.

To help you feel and understand every inch of your being we encourage our guests to do some light exercise. You are tired after your journey? I am sorry to hear that, as the exercise is encouraged with these whips.

Move it you maggots!

Feel the wonder of the natural world as you run through it. Run faster! Note the sky, the ever changing panorama of light and clouds; surely there is great beauty and the touch of the divine in such a creation.

Bad girl! Stopping is very bad karma! And falling is worse karma! Don’t you help her you bastards! The path to inner peace must be walked, or in this case ran, alone!

Ok you filthy pieces of scum! You should be feeling the pain, and therefore existence, of your entire bodies by now, especially you cry baby. It’s your own fault for not running fast enough when I started throwing the knives. Because we must never forget in the journey forward toward spiritual enlightenment, that there are forces at work behind us to be aware of.

Now, to continue your education and ascension, we must consider the great mysteries of the world and our place in it. Look to the night sky, see how as the setting sun reveals the infinity of the universe, played out before us in the form of the stars. Muse upon the stars, their great power and distance from us. Ponder upon the very size of reality and your own place within this one small corner of existence.

Do not worry bout the leather restraints, they are to help you focus. Keep your eyes and minds upon the heavens whilst I remind you of your own fragile body using this riding crop. Look at the sky you worthless bastards! Of course you can flinch when you’re lashed you idiot! Just concentrate on the world beyond!

That’s better, I can see you are all opening your mind to the complexity of the universe, soon you will be ready to contemplate the spiritual and ethereal powers that control such infinite splendour. For this I must use the oil. Do not waver in your thoughts; keep your mind upon the harmony and balance of nature. Ignore where my hands are spreading the oils. Focus your very essence on the answers that you seek and you shall find them. Yes I was using my tongue; that is part of the process, a tactile reminder of the shell that is your body. Do not concern yourselves with where I am licking. The path to universal harmony is your one focus.

Hmm. Focus upon the heavens. Mmmmm, so good. Spiritual, Mmmmmmmm. What? I don’t see what you- Oh. Excuse me seekers of the ultimate truths, I must go speak with these police men for a moment.

Longer than a moment? I don’t understand?

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