Uncle Len's Bible Stories, God, Homosexuality and a town called Sodom.Edit

Now, everyone knows that God hates a faggot..He even calls them an abomination. "You shall not lie with a male as those who lie with a female; it is an abomination." {Leviticus 20:13:} That seems pretty damned simple, doesn't it? But keep those bashing devices holstered. Listen to this. Various interpretations of the Hebrew text range from a total ban on male to male sex, to not having said corn-holing in a woman's bed, which was considered sacred, to not packing the Hersey Highway during a pagan temple ritual. And, here's some good news for all you lesbians out there. Nowhere in the Hebrew text is there any mention of you, in any form. So, lap away and relax, gals. Apparently, since you don't have any magic seeds to spill, God just doesn't give a rat's ass. Here's a few other things God calls an abomination...{Leviticus 18:19} forbids a husband from having sex with his wife during her menstrual period. Any abominators out there? {Leviticus 19:19} forbids mixed breeding of different kinds of cattle, or sowing various kinds of seeds. I suspect there's a lot of abominating ranchers and farmers about.

Sporting a garment made from two kinds of material mixed together is abomination, says {Leviticus 19:27} I suspect most of our closets are just packed with deadly sins. it also says "You shall not round off the side-growth of your head, nor harm the edges of your beard." The next verse puts the cabbosh on "tattoo marks on yourself." I admit, here, before God, that I have been guilty of getting a haircut, from time to time, and have done grievous harm to the edges of my beard. I have not committed the abomination of tattooing my sacred temple. I have, at least, something to be proud of.

{Leviticus 11:1-12} tells us, all unclean animals are forbidden as food, including rabbits, pigs, and shellfish, such as oysters, shrimp, lobsters, crabs, clams, and others that are called "abominations." I am ashamed to admit that I have partaken of every one of those delicious abominations.

Leviticus 12:1-8 states that a woman is unclean for 33 days after giving birth to a boy, and for 66 days after giving birth to a girl. It seems, that it takes twice as long for a woman to cleanse her system of a girl-child. I think I'll just leave that one alone. Having sex with aforementioned, unclean woman would constitute; you guessed abomination. I mention all the foregoing, only to demonstrate that a bunch of minor crap got tossed into the folder, labeled, "Abomination."

Now, back to the evil gay menace...Ask anybody, and they'll tell you that God firebombed the sinful asses of the Sodomites for doing the "Back Door Boogie" with those two angels.. Nothing could be further from the truth. Those angels were sent by the big guy to warn Lot that all Hell was gonna break loose over the entire region, including Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, and Zeboim. {Deuteronomy 29:22-29} It seems there was a lot of Satan worship and God hating going on, around those parts..."For we will destroy this place, because the cry of them is waxed great before Jehovah: and Jehovah hath sent us to destroy it."{GEN 19:13} Jehovah's back was up against the wall. The only option open to him was to crispy critter, every man, woman, and child, in all four cities.

Now, the fella named Lot took these messengers in and offered them a place to crash for the night. The angels said they'd rather roam the streets, but Lot was a persuasive talker. {GEN 19:3} After he'd fed the strangers, the locals came calling, saying, "Where are the men that came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them." {GEN 19:5} This is where the the gay bashers get some ammunition. They assume that "Know them" means the, previously refereed to, "Back Door Boogie." But, here's the rub...No Jewish scholars before the first Christian century taught that the sin of Sodom was, in any way, sexual. No biblical reference to Sodom mentions sexual sins but but rather, paint Sodom as an example of injustice, lack of hospitality to strangers, idol worship, and generally being an unholy and uncaring bunch of so-and-so's. "Know" means know, sometimes. No hint of homosexuality is in the original Hebrew.

Ya,da´ is a Hebrew verb, meaning "to know." Its meaning is ambiguous. It shows up 943 times in the Hebrew Scriptures. Usually. it means "to know a fact." In only a dozen of these cases does it refers to "The Horizontal Bop". All the people of Sodom gathered around Lot's house, trying to get a gander at the new-comers...women and children, included, apparently. No later Bible references to the city ever mention homosexuality as the sin of Sodom.

Various modern translators added words to the text to create the impression that the people of Sodom were homosexual. I mean, those kids came from SOMEWHERE! Much confusion over who was gathered around Lot's house comes from the phrase in the original Hebrew that is translated from "anshei ha'ir, anshei S'dom." This phrase can mean either, men of the city, or Sodom, or people of Sodom. Homo-haters chose the former interpretation for the sake of proving their point. After all, you don't take the wife and kiddies to an angel raping party. Sodomy is not a biblical word, at all. A Sodomite is merely a reference to a person from Sodom. It's unclear, but some of those Sodomites might have wanted to rape those angels. It was a time of war, and the people looked on any strangers with mistrust. Raping the enemy was an accepted way of humiliating them, in those days. To protect his guests, Lot offered up his two virgin daughters to the mob, for raping purposes. the mob wasn't satisfied and broke into Lot's home, where the angels blinded some them for their rudeness. {Genesis 19:11} The angels told Lot to take his family and get out of Dodge before the fireworks started, which they did. They were told, "Don't look back." Lot's wife wasn't the best of listeners, and did just that. Instant pillar of salt, was she. {Genesis 19:23}

So, Lot and his virgin daughters took to the hills and hid out in a cave. {Genesis 19:30} The oldest girl saw the end of the bloodline on the horizon, so she got her dad drunk and did the nasty with him, followed by her sibling..Both his daughters had kids by him and everything was cool. {Genesis 19:36}

The moral of this story depends on which translation and which interpretation of each translation from the original Hebrew Scripts you choose to believe. The Bible is an amazing text. You can prove just about anything you want to prove by carefully selecting the various versions of any passage in it.

One thing is a fact, if you claim to believe in The Bible. Sodom and Gomorrah were not destroyed over any issue of homosexuality. The word "homosexual" was first coined, late in the 19th century. There was no Hebrew word that meant "homosexual." So, any time the word is seen in an English translation of the Bible, you should wonder if the translators might be inserting their own personal prejudices into The Good Book.

There was a fella who came along after The Old Testament was scribed. He said a pretty smart thing. He said, "Do not judge lest you be judged yourselves...Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?...You hypocrite!" The fella's name was Jesus.

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