I meant to tell you
That I don’t like diamonds
Because their cold brilliance could never compare
To your warmth
And that your laughter sprinkled like raindrops
On the parched, barren ground of my heart
Together, we were more than the sum of our parts
When intertwined amidst piles of pillows,
Hiding from Monday mornings and the monsters
Under our bed
Seeking solace in the feel of your soft breath on my back
Yeah, I meant to tell you that
And that dancing with you to no music
Dressed in jeans and bare feet on my kitchen floor
Was more elegant than any Astaire film we watched
To pass the time between nurses checks and doctors visits
I meant to tell you that I preferred your carefully
Colored heart on construction paper to any Hallmark card
Because it means more when you color inside the lines
And that any one day spent doing nothing with you
was worth more than a year of achievements without you
I meant to tell you
I meant to tell you
I meant to tell you that falling for you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do
I meant to tell you that there are now days where I would rather tattoo stick figures
To the back of my eyelids, than be alone in the dark anymore
And I meant to tell you that I’m sorry
I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there to hold your hair when you were sick
They wouldn’t let me near you then
I’m sorry I didn’t turn around when you called my name
I thought if I did I wouldn’t stay sane
I’m sorry I wasn’t there the last time you woke up
They said that you asked for me
And most of all
I’m sorry I couldn’t take the sickness away
I’m sorry I couldn’t give you just one more day, one more sunrise by my side
One more Monday morning to hide
One more “I love you like dogs love treats, soldiers love home,
And Apple pie loves ice cream”
I meant to tell you so many things
But instead
As I turned to walk away after placing flowers on the grave
That came fifty years and my lifetime too soon
All I could say was
“Goodnight, baby, I miss you”
copyright 2008 Jennifer Hurley