I meant to tell you

That I don’t like diamonds

Because their cold brilliance could never compare

To your warmth

And that your laughter sprinkled like raindrops

On the parched, barren ground of my heart

Together, we were more than the sum of our parts

When intertwined amidst piles of pillows,

Hiding from Monday mornings and the monsters

Under our bed

Seeking solace in the feel of your soft breath on my back

Yeah, I meant to tell you that

And that dancing with you to no music

Dressed in jeans and bare feet on my kitchen floor

Was more elegant than any Astaire film we watched

To pass the time between nurses checks and doctors visits

I meant to tell you that I preferred your carefully

Colored heart on construction paper to any Hallmark card

Because it means more when you color inside the lines

And that any one day spent doing nothing with you

was worth more than a year of achievements without you

I meant to tell you

I meant to tell you

I meant to tell you that falling for you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do

I meant to tell you that there are now days where I would rather tattoo stick figures

To the back of my eyelids, than be alone in the dark anymore

And I meant to tell you that I’m sorry

I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there to hold your hair when you were sick

They wouldn’t let me near you then

I’m sorry I didn’t turn around when you called my name

I thought if I did I wouldn’t stay sane

I’m sorry I wasn’t there the last time you woke up

They said that you asked for me

And most of all

I’m sorry I couldn’t take the sickness away

I’m sorry I couldn’t give you just one more day, one more sunrise by my side

One more Monday morning to hide

One more “I love you like dogs love treats, soldiers love home,

And Apple pie loves ice cream”

I meant to tell you so many things

But instead

As I turned to walk away after placing flowers on the grave

That came fifty years and my lifetime too soon

All I could say was

“Goodnight, baby, I miss you”

copyright 2008 Jennifer Hurley

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